Friday, January 20, 2006

The Curse of the Neckbeard...

They say you shouldn't kick a man while he's down. Then again, they also say you shouldn't willingly make yourself look like a half-retarded Wookie. I really thought this problem would just kind of fade away after the Bears broke their winning streak. Then, I figured it might disappear when Orton lost his job as the starting quarterback. I thought my job was done. Unfortunately, I couldn't have been more wrong.

In fact, despite my best efforts, the problem appears to have gotten worse. Much worse. Some might even say that, like a disgusting, hairy voodoo doll, the neckbeard cursed the Bears' postseason hopes. That's right, I said it. No longer is the neckbeard a good luck charm. No. Rather, it is the very reason the Bears lost to the Carolina Panthers. Sure, you might argue that they lost because Peanut Tillman couldn't cover Steve Smith, but you'd be wrong. Make no mistake - the neckbeard caused this, and it's time for it to go. Grab your torches and pitchforks, Chicago. It's time to gather a good, ol' fashioned posse, and go bang down the door of the beast.

Neckbeard, your reign of terror's about to end.

Orton, in an almost hypnotic trance, cursing the Bears' postseason.