Thursday, December 01, 2005

Help us shave Kyle Orton's Neckbeard!

The American public has been subjected to the nastiness that is Kyle Orton's neckbeard for 7 weeks now, and the Mach3 stops here! No longer will we endure the hideous neckbeard on our 42" High Definition plasmas. No longer will we suffer the neverending torture that stems from the unkempt, unshaven scraggly hairs sprouting from Kyle Orton's neck.

No. We will force him to shave. Whether it is a loss to the Packers this Sunday or the successful coercion from this petition, he will shave it. Oh, yes, he will shave.




Anonymous Anonymous said...

You forget one key feature that would also disappear if the neck beard was shaved..... the awesome pornstache that appears when he's wearing his helmet & chin strap! Long live the pornstache!

1:57 PM

Blogger DoDD1 said...

Ahh, but if you read the petition, you'd know that I suggest he keep the pornstache but shave the neckbeard. I don't think that's too much to ask.

2:00 PM

Blogger zach said...

In sports you do not mess with winning. Quarter in the sock, shower before the game, same song when you bat, or a beard. It's very superstitious and in sports the only thing to do. Maybe you have never heard of such a thing. Keep the beard orton!!!

6:54 AM

Blogger DoDD1 said...

yeah, yeah, I get it. But why pick a scraggly beard? Don't change your underwear or something. Clearly a beard was not his best choice.

9:03 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

zach you're an idiot. "being superstitious is the only thing to do." what's that even mean? if you're not a moron/superstitious, it's impossible to win? you should put 3 quarters in your socks.

11:12 AM

Anonymous i call people idiots on the internet said...

but if he had three quarters in his socks, he would have a lot of cents. get it? it's like sense... but it's spelled differently. and if he had a lot of sense, he would not be a moron. ponder that anonymous!!!

6:12 PM

Anonymous snoreman said...

has he shaved it now after the loss? and what does he do with Grossman breathing down his neckbeard?

2:40 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You kids have too much time on your hands...

1:48 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

His thin doll haired neck beard is so fine it looks like a 13 year olds virgin pussy....and that about all the trim he will be getting with his baby face and pathetic play...we need a man to lead us, not this billy goated nanny of a sissy boy.

3:21 PM

Blogger Indygal said...

Why don't you leave the neckbeard alone. I am sure that Kyle feels bad enough that he hasn't played well this season. The last thing he needs is people ragging him on how he looks. For the immature, save the name calling. You couldn't do any better if you were on the field!

3:49 AM

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

kyle orton won more games as a rookie than most of the NFL greats that everyone has come to love, each and every sunday. Grossman sucks and this nwe season has proved that yet again... he just flat out stinks in the NFL. Griese however was a good pickup... now orton has someone with EXPERIENCE to teach him and hlep him to become the QB the bears need to win a superbowl. KYLE ORTON FOR PRESIDENT!!!

5:32 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen anonymous

8:53 PM

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

START KO!!! i cant think of another quarterback with a higher win percentage

4:01 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

YOU GUYS r so gay orton kicks the shit out of fags like u why hate the beard its his trademark

4:36 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay all of you people r crazy he is so damn fine especially with the beard, so all you people who don't like his facial hair here is my advise DON'T LOOK AT IT THEN YOU IDIOTS.

9:48 PM

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9:42 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

The definition of "neckbeard" has become too broad, thanks to whiny pricks like you. This dude doesn't even have a distinguishable neckbeard- it's just a fucking beard.

I'm so sick of you new-gen crybaby twats, who have 1/2'' long cocks and can't grow a single hair on your frail faces because you've been pumped full of too many bovine hormones to go through a proper puberty. All you do is take your impotent frustration out on things that actually have merit, like beards. You disguise your envy with trendy, oh-so-trendy contempt.

O, majestic, magnificent beards, ye have fallen from grace; once you were symbols of manhood, power, and sincerity, but now angry, androgynous man-boys mock you, as their fat, hairy girlfriends beat them senseless while they listen to Drake or some queermo band and then proceed to drink 2 1/2 hard lemonades(cuz beer's, like, gross... ya know?) and then blackout once they're done crying.
Yep... thank God I'm a greybush by now. I don't want to be cool by today's standards. You kids calling every beard you see and can never have a "neckbeard" sounds just like you kids watching MMA (boxing gear minus the shoes, so they can suck toes while after teabag each other) and saying that it isn't gay AT FUCKING ALL, BRO.

I'm going to go drink- and my FULL FUCKING BEARD is going to catch the stray drops of whiskey, symbolizing my manly tears (which are long extinct). Picture that- and now you can go kill yourself, girly-man. Oh, wait... you most likely cut yourself, so I shouldn't encourage it. Stay in school!

P.S. You aren't fooling anyone with that picture of you with the Jack, you teetotaler wigger. Talk about a neckbeard...

12:11 AM

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